Wednesday, February 21, 2018

A renewed beginning.


I don't know how I am going to structure this blog... but I'll just type away as I have always done.

I often think about what I want to write and how often I want to share my life... does anyone even still read blogs anymore?  I don't know either. 

Still working two jobs, at the District and at the hospital.  Both jobs are fine and keeping me busy.  I picked up overnight on-calls...... meaning for a full week Monday-Monday, anytime anything comes up in the middle of the night I will have to get up and work. I need the extra money so I'm working hard. 

A few blogs ago.. or errr many months ago... almost exactly a year ago LOL, I wrote about planning to pay off debt.  I can almost successfully say I am ALMOST THERE.  I said 21 months later I want to have a savings of $10,000.  I am currently at 12 months and a few days later... $180 in my savings account as of this second. I just got a deposit of $100.XX from my Youtube Channel that I am no longer active on and completely forgot about.  I'm not sure if I should use that to completely pay off my credit card or if I should wait a little bit more.  Maybe I'll wait a little bit more. Yes that's what I will do.  I calculated all my expenses and how much I can pay off versus how much I can save if I slowly pay it off.  I came to a conclusion that if I paid everything off now and have $0 in my account, at the end of the payment period, everything I earn will possibly be mines. I saved and saved and saved, but I was still short 2k on paying off my debt so I asked my sister if I can borrow her 2k cash and pay her back in 2 months.  She agreed (she never says no and is never greedy) and that was how I paid off my $XXXX.XX... the only thing that I have left is about $103.XX on one of my credit card because I had to use the card since I didn't have anything on me at the time of wherever I was.  After I pay that off with this week's paycheck------- I will say I am free from interest and everything.  I will work hard the next two months to pay my sister back as I have promised.  Of course, I don't bring in a huge income so I will have to take a full two months to pay her back sadly.  I am forever thankful for my sister who is a life savior.  After the two months that I work hard to pay her off, I will officially be ALL OTHER DEBT FREE. I am forever still in debt with my student loans though. 44k left! One day!  If I pay $733.xx/month I would be done paying it in 5 years too.... although that would be amazing, I don't think that is realistic.  I need to put myself in debt to buy a new car so............ yeah goodbye DEBT FREE in 5 years.  That's just not realistic.  But one day I will get there.

Another update in my life............ I am getting to know someone. Oh man.... this person has so many flaws in his life.  I gave up many times.  I was being friendly and one thing lead to another.  He makes me want to take care of him and fix him 360.  That is how bad he is. LOL. He is like a grown person who grew without wings.  I swear.  Everything we've done together is majority really new to him and he has never experienced it before or it is completely alien culture to him.  He, of course is not the best looking, is not the nicest, definitely is not rich---- poorer than me for sure LOL. But he is nice.  He listens to me sometimes, but he does show that he cares a lot.  Super clingy too. I still do not see myself marrying anyone or being with anyone long term and I made it very clear to him.  Again, being nice to one another and hoping for the best does not hurt.  No commitment though.  At least for now, no commitment.

Other than these two major updates in my life... I gained 15.6lb since my last blog, lost 10, gained another 5, lost 3, and gained 1. Still hoping to lose everything I want by May. Hopefully.


Tuesday, December 26, 2017

December 2017

Hello Life...

I find myself coming back to this blog time after time.  I always come back when I find my life hard.

I'm so drained. My jobs are fine.  I left the hospital scene to working for a school district full time. I've been happier since then.

Love.... is always temporary. I still cannot see myself with anyone person forever.  I'm not sure what my issue is.

And life... life is tiring.

The only thing that I have accomplished since my last post is weight loss.  At my lowest, I am 146.2lbs.  I started around the 180's and 188.1lb as my highest ever.  Although my lowest is 146.2lbs, my weight this morning was at 150.0lbs solid.  I gained a total of 5 lbs in the last week.  Which is okay. I ate a lot of good food.  So I'll work it off.  I hope to be between 110-120 by the end of May.

That's all.  There's so much going through my head, but I can't seem to write anything.


Sunday, July 30, 2017

New Goals

Hello.  Last post was before the July 4th weekend and since then a lot of things have changed.  We are getting new management system at work and work is still a headache.  Let's leave that there.

I started my new diet plan, weight loss journey the Sunday of July 4th weekend, to be exact July 2nd.

I started with a weight of exactly 180lbs.  I wished I had taken a photo of the weight scale the start date.  I don't care about my body photos much because I already have too many of those "fat" before photos and I think if anyone sees me, they would know how big I am already.  I know people who are a lot heavier than I am, but their bodies are a lot smaller.  Everyone's build is different and that is why I feel like it won't make a difference until I am actually really thin or something.

As of today, 28 days later, I currently weigh 164.4lbs which is a total of 15.6lbs lost.  I lost the majority of my weight the first two weeks, with a total of 14 lbs in 14 days.  The third week in, it was my birthday weekend and there were multiple celebrations - with lots of sweets and food that triggered my weight a little.  I went up and down for the next two weeks until today which put me back at the weight I had lost at 2 weeks + 1.6 lbs.  My ideal weight and goal is to be exactly 110lbs.  I don't have a set date that I need to be that weight, but I do know that I would like to drop down to that weight one day in the near future.  My doctor said with my height (5'2) I should be around 104-135lbs.  I personally think 104 is way too thin for my liking and I do not think I will ever be able to get that slim, but at the same time, I also think 135 is a little too thick for me.  I've been that weight before and I was still "chunky" around my chin and back.  My stomach is a core problem too.  So I think 110 would be an ideal weight and I think I would look okay then for my height.  I was doing some research and technically, to look "decent" I should be 99lbs which is a big NO for me. I think I would look scary if I lost that much weight.  That would be a total of 81 lbs that I need to lose from 180 lb start weight.

My heaviest weight in my entire life is 188.1 lbs.  I promised myself that I would NEVER ever go higher than that in my life, not because I don't like the way I look, but because of health problems.  Just losing this little weight this month, I've already felt my body changing.  Easier to sleep at night, easier to move around, easier to move my body parts in ways that I did not think I was able to move.  It is still a scary thought to be losing 70lbs to reach my goal weight.  I know it is doable as long as I put my mind to it and to keep focus.  I know I've tried many times to start this journey and failed and who knows if I will fail this one too.  I don't have a motivation that keeps me going, I don't even have motivation to go on day by day.  I don't like to exercise, I don't like to do anything that makes me tire.  So because of that, I'm just eating the minimal and only eating enough to satisfy my hunger and not my heart's desire.  I've swayed away from all the fatty food, all the sugary drinks, and all the things that aren't necessarily going to help me lose weight. I know for a fact that if I was as active as I should be, I would be dropping weight twice as fast.  But its okay, I really do not want to be losing that fast anyways.  So I'll just keep going as I have now.

Since I've lost 15.6lbs, to get to the goal of 110lbs, I have another 54.4 lbs to go.  I am very excited.  I don't really have a deadline, but if possible, to accomplish it before summer of 2018.  That will be my ultimate goal just no actual date.  Another thing that I have always dreamt of and also think of is having my collar bone show.  I just love that feeling of touching it and being able to see it.  No idea why I am obsessed with that, but I am.  I just hope that it should be soon so I can have even more motivation to keep going and losing weight. Anyways, that's just the biggest thing going on in my life right now that I am focused on.

As of the being debt free, that is still active also.  I only have 1 major bill left (not including student loans) then I am done.  I've paid off everything else already.  I am very excited to being getting that out of the way and possibly being able to afford to buy a house next years. Goals goals goals.

That's all.


Sunday, June 25, 2017


Hello hello.

We are one week away from the annual MN Hmong Sports Tournament.  I am off this upcoming Friday-Wednesday of next week and will be going back to work on Thursday.  I originally wanted to travel out of town to anywhere sometime during those days off but it is not going to happen because I have no available friends or anyone who wants to go. So...... stay-home-vacation it is or as everyone else around here calls it... staycation.

I should be thankful that I have a job that pays decent enough to cover my bills and such, but instead I feel so insulted at work.  My boss said 100% of what we are giving in is still not enough.  I don't think I have ever worked at a place and given so much time and energy into this kind of work.  I know for sure I need to leave soon, although I must say, I really like the benefits and how much time I am getting off work per pay period, or PTO earned per paid period.  If I get paid 2x a month, that's two full days of PTO per month, and on the months that I get pay 3x, that's three full PTO per month.  I don't know anywhere else that would give me that much PTO and such.  It is also really easy for me to request off and take off work whenever I want to as long as I request it first and foremost before the other people in the same department does.

My coworker just told me on Friday that she accepted a new job and will be putting in her two weeks notice this upcoming Monday which would be tomorrow.  Kind of sad.  She's one to really help and to really pay attention to details and get everything solved when I cannot do it.  It's going to be hard when she leaves because I go to her for everything, but I do not blame her for wanting to leave.  EVERYTHING we do is not recognized and not appreciated. I can't just up and leave because it's hard. I have bills to pay, I need to focus on finding a new job, but at the very same time, my goal was to stay here for a full year before I started looking for something else.  It is quite hard to focus on positively going into work because everything is so negative.  I work every other week on two different floors and sometimes get thrown into other departments to help do other things too and I don't mind so much, but there is a lot of work... so much work that it is impossible to complete and fulfill the "goals" of whomever comes up with them.


On the bright side, attended the 2nd Annual Hmong Town Festival today with my parents and sisters.  It was fun, lots of food, lots of vendors, and lots of music.  I ate enough and had lots to drink too.  There are these two ladies from Fresno that were selling Thai Clothes, the cheaper ones, but they were still beautiful as ever for $90.  I really want one.  They are going to be at the upcoming tournament this weekend so I am looking forward to going back to their booth and purchasing it this weekend.  I didn't bring enough money today because I was not expecting to be buying anything but food.  I really want to wear Thai clothes, but I refuse to spend $300+ on one because apparently, I am sooooo big that it costs extra fabrics to make one for me so it will be $300-400 which is total bullshit!  The one that I saw today, I tried on and it looks great, the skirt is adjustable and that's all I care about.  As long as it fits, that's all that I want.  I don't care whether it is those super expensive ones or not because I'm only going to wear it once and that is it.

Maybe.. just maybe I will take my camera with me next weekend and bring back photos to post on here....... motivation less to carry that camera around anywhere.  

That's all.


Wednesday, June 7, 2017

Sick of being SICK

It has been exactly 1 month and 1 day since my last post.  I always think about what I want to share on here, photos and lifewise, but I'm so busy --- okay totally an excuse, but I've lost so much motivation (wish I could say lost so much weight) to move and do anything.  I swear I think its near my death's time or something because I've been sick 4x in the last 5 months.  Completely losing my voice, fever, itching/swollen/sore throat, shivers, and everything.  I swear it is the Flu shot that I was required to get.

And for the past two days, I heard my Top Oppa overdosed on medication and has a drug case against him.  As much as I hate to say this, people need to leave my oppa alone.  I know he made a huge mistake, but quit writing bad things about him online!!!! Leave him alone! He's probably scared and depressed to the point where he overdosed on his medication, probably by choice too.  So mean!  And my goal of saving $$$ before he comes out of the military just went down the hill because he came out sooner than I thought he would.... and sighs. I guess money, fame, and a successful career does not always mean happiness.  People always have their eyes and fingers ready to point at them at any time.  I just hope he wakes up and nothing serious will happen.  I know my aunt was unconscious for a night with the doctors saying she will be ok just to hear the next morning that she will no longer be us because there is no oxygen going into her brain. Sighs.  Be ok my Top oppa.

Work--- is going ok.  I'm getting use to ignoring all the mean people at work. Lol.  I am a pro at ignoring when I want to.  I can't believe I've been working here for half a year officially.  I'm thinking about taking up another position here if I can get in.  The pay is decent, more than what I get pay now, and the position is completely different which will also require me to go back to school and all for another year and then to sign a contract to agree to work under this place for another year after that before moving onto another place.  I don't mind staying here, I just want to move department.  I really like the benefits here and really like the fact that I can get so much PTO here! Love it.  Anyways, the new position I'm aiming for will be doing research for EEG series and seizures and monitoring those kind of things.  I'm mostly excited about getting the chance to work from home being a possibility in the long run because of course, I have to be on site to learn how to do it properly and stuff first, but after learning, I will be able to work from the comfort of my own bed and such.  God, I know you have been blessing me all this time, thank you so much and I know you love me so much more than I would ever be able to return back, but please... this position is calling my name.

Anyways, I have to close my department now, I leave in 5 minutes so I guess I will end this now and maybe do something fun this weekend instead of staying home so I can share some photos.


Monday, May 8, 2017

4 months away.


It's been two busy and hectic months since I last wrote in here.

I've been throw under the bus at work.  My supervisor, as nice as she is.... oh goodness.  I'm getting tossed into everything and being assigned to everything.  It's a little crazy.  As fast of a learner as I am, I still get anxiety... bad anxiety attacks and my stress level is sky rocket high.  I know I'm the type to do something really well and then quit.  That's me because I get tire of people's crap and also get tired of being mistreated all the time.  Then, again, that is life.  Under appreciated for EVERYTHING. 

Life... life is ok.  I'm still loss as ever.  I don't have any long term goals as of now.  I've set short term goals for myself and those goals have 4 more months pending time.  I also set a goal to save $xx,xxx before my TOP oppa comes back from the military, but I highly doubt that will be happening anytime soon. I thought about rewriting new goals, but it's so stressful as it is right now so I will only be focusing hard on my one goal-- to pay off all my debt by September/October time frame.  The initial goal was to pay everything off by August 2017 but of course, life happens.  I have to make some changes to some things and be tight on money in some areas and some months.  It will all work out though.  I know it will because I have a written plan.

So much has changed, or I feel like so much changed. People change all the time. Things change all the time.  But all this time, I feel like I'm still in the same place and I haven't budged anywhere at all.


Saturday, March 4, 2017

No more. No more.

I received news that I will no longer be having a position at my 2nd part time job, not because I did anything wrong, but because the department is completely closing down.  I am so... very sad.

All my plans for paying off all my debts and being able to save went down hill.

I will still be able to pay off everything by the end of this year, but I won't be able to save anything at all.  Sighs.

Good things only comes by quick.